When this problem first started to really plague me I had to literally get out of bed (at 12:39pm) grab a piece of paper and a pen and write it all down. Otherwise I would of spent the whole night thinking over it and my mind would of never been at rest. Originally (on the piece of paper) I had titled it "Them and Me" so here it is.
It is hard having two best friends. People always assume you like one more than the other. I have tried SO hard not to be like this, despite my efforts it feels like them and me. It's obvious (or else I'm paranoid) that I am definitely the lesser liked of the wee group. It hurts.
I always try and make sure I invite both to places and include both in secrets or issues in my life. It's only fair to treat them equally, they are BOTH my best friends. Even so I still feel like I'm on my own little island and they're on one together [with a big sign reading No Jules' Allowed]. I don't feel like I'm ever included in secrets or in problems and just general stuff you share with your best friends. Sometimes I even find out important things about them from other people. It leaves me questioning myself, what have I done wrong? Am I a bad friend?
Don't get me wrong I'm not writing this for a sympathy vote or a sob story, I just really need to vent. I'm not gonna name names 'cause they're not bad people, I love them to bits. It's just sometimes feeling lonely with your best friends hurts. I just had to write this down somewhere, my way of clarifying how I feel in a situation.
I told one of my guy friends about it and said to him that I'm accepting my 2nd best position and he told me not to. That got me to think what if i confront the problem and end up losing friends over this. OK. So i need to talk to them, I know that but if i do they'll get really offended or else fall out with me. OK now this is turning into whining.
If someone reads this (probably no one reads it but anywho) and thinks I'm being a yap and should just suck it up and deal with it please tell me. I feel so jumbled at the moment. I have many more to things to think about like school, my walk with God, walking my talk in school this year, all of which can be talked about in other blogs.
"What you dislike in another take care to correct in yourself."-Thomas Sprat.
I think I'm gonna put that into practice with regards to this problem. (And the verse in the blog below this).
To anyone who reads this, I'm sorry for wasting your time.
A very confused, sad Jules.
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